How can I help my husband? No, he won’t go back to counseling.?

My husband and I have been married for four years. The first year of our marriage was rocky and we fought to the point of filing for a divorce but we decided that counseling was better than living apart.
Counseling helped a little but my husband said the problem was his job. That it just made him unhappy and he brought that home and took it out on me. Let me also say that I have grown a lot in our relationship as well and marriage is 50/50. I am confident that I bring my own set of silly, petty arguments into our marriage.

So, my husband followed his dream of being an Army officer and we moved and left everything behind. I wanted him to be happy. Nothing changed. My husband rarely goes out with friends, he comes home tired (legitimately) and expects the house to be spotless, the kids fed, bathed and ready for bed, dinner on the table and for me to look like the Queen of Sheba. I think he thinks I am a cross between Martha Stewart/June Cleaver. HA!

But, the house is mostly clean (I have two babies under three) dinner is usually done by 7:30 and the kids are in bed about the same time. I try SO hard to make him happy. But rather than see the good things in our life, he only focuses on the bad. Like the fact that the laundry hamper is in the washroom rather than in the bathroom (?!) or that I went out to brunch with the kids and my girlfriends and spent money and he doesn’t get to do that or that I spend too much on groceries or that …well, it’s always something. It’s deflating and I am now on anxiety medicine b/c I honestly am started to dread when he comes home. He just goes from happy to mad in seconds and he is always griping about something I do wrong.

Today I told him I love him but that I wanted space. I live in Germany and I wanted to go home for awhile while we figured us out. He told me he loved me and would fix it (heard it already) and that I deserved better but that he fears he has some sort of disorder. He said he has friends but he can’t form real connections. He has started avoiding his family since we got to Germany (never talks to them anymore) he has never spoken with our old BFF’s and he HAD friends before we moved here but now he has none. Our dog seized the other day and he LOVES her but he said today that he was thinking if she died, so be it.

What is this? Depression? Some sort of personality disorder?

I’ll stand by his side but I have to admit, I am scared for my heart. If he can’t form lasting, real connections then I have to ask myself if he is really capable of loving me.

How can I help him? And myself?

drugged out ex wants his kids?

Okay, my husband basically got hooked on pills, meth, pot, alcohol, and left me for another woman. So… yeah, it’s over. I don’t make a lot of money, so I haven’t yet filed for divorce through an attorney, child support, or custody.

I just learned that I can file for child support through my local family court, so I am doing that first thing Monday. As far as divorce goes, I believe you can do that through family court for a reasonable price as well without an attorney, however, I am very uncertain as far as custody is concerned. The problem is that I don’t have the money for an attorney, and my husband is wanting to see his children… he is on DRUGS very HEAVILY.

As far as I have been told ( I don’t know how legitimately this applies to my specific situation) My husband still has all rights to his children and can come take them anytime he wants. We are still married, but he is not living in the home. He does have his own place, however he has no furniture, power, food, or anything whatsoever except for a 19-year-old drug whore living with him.

He calls me every few days wanting to discuss the terms of the children. He says he wants them on the weekends. I would not have a problem with that, but he is using and that does not fly with me. He is irresponsible, has refused to pay me any child support outside of the court, but yet, still wants his kids. He is very consistent with his “threats” and demands. He is completely delusional.

How can I make sure he doesn’t just come up here and take off with them? He is on drugs, so he is pretty much “insane” and crazy right now. I don’t want them near him, nor do I even want them to see him like this. It’s much better off that they do not even see him while he is geeked up. This is a nightmare.

What can I do? I hate feeling like he can just come up here and take them from me anytime he wants with the condition he is in. It’s not safe. Is there a way to file for full physical custody outside of using a lawyer? If not, then I’m SCREWED.

Anyone else been through this ???

I received a phone call from a Mr. Chan or Chin August 13. He stated that he represented “LSO” which I am assuming is the same fraudulent company calling themselves LOAN SHOP something or other. He stated that they received information from TCF Bank and that I would be given 24 hours to resolve this matter. I don’t know who these people are. They somehow got a hold of my checking account info as well as my banks routing number and attempted to pull $320 from my account. I put a STOP PAYMENT on it and closed my accounts. Scam companies give themselves away by how general and vague they are with their threats. In this case, he stated that “information was sent to him from TCF Bank”. This “info” was merely the STOP PAYMENT. It seems to me that his vagueness was to lead me to believe that TCF sent them my routing and account numbers, which they would NEVER do. What this crooked scam company does is sit in the “shadows” and wait until people apply for loans on an unsecured website, and steal their information and attempt to pull money from their accounts, claiming that they “owed them” this money from over due accounts from years ago. That, by the way, is another detail that gives these thieves away. Whatever “account” they say is overdue will always be “from years ago”. The further in the past they claim it to be, the more they can argue that you simply have “forgotten” about having gotten a loan through them. What they can NEVER explain, however, is why a company who is legitimately owed money would wait three or more years to attempt collection. They use crud means to find out names of the targets family members, former addresses if available, former employers, and whatever else they can dig up to sound more on the level. They use this information to scare the target into payment. What I have personally found out is, they know how illegal their practices are and once you call their bluff, they back off for a while. This guy called me over a year and a half ago threatening me, my brothers, my mother, and my father. He rattled off all their names, he even knew my brother’s newlywed wife’s name. What confirmed my suspicions was when he named my 2 year old niece. This obviously was info he obtained through my brother’s personal record at work or something. There is no legitimate reason a collection agency would know anyone’s name in a client’s family. These people are leeches on society. They have no ambition in life other than easy money. They have no business or social skills and no education which makes itself apparent when they “attempt” to be a real company. They use intelligent words, only, they use them in the wrong context. Hearing business-like, intelligent sounding words spoken with an urban/street accent is almost hilarious. They actually think they are fooling people. What’s more, is when you challenge their claims, they immediately lose their cool. They get angry and argumentative. This guy even called me a “knucklehead”. I asked if he could explain why his “company” was splashed all over the “Rip-Off Report”, an online site that exposes scam companies. He simply said “Because they are a bunch of deadbeat losers who don’t pay their bills” I am sorry, but, this is something a legitimate business representative would NEVER say. These people need to be stopped. It’s hard to believe that it seems to be “legal” to do what they do in their “cherry-picking” unsecured websites. This is stealing, plain and simple. It is no different than if you walked into someone’s home and took a wallet or purse. Going into someone’s bank account without permission is breaking and entering as far as I am concerned and pulling funds is burglary.